Chicago Institute 2012: Instructional Conference

I drank the juice.

While you guys were remembering the troops, at the lake, on the beach, on a porch somewhere soaking up the sun and frolicking on what I think is one of the most meaningful three-day weekends we have, I was at school.

Yes, I went straight from Walbridge to Noble Muchin in Chicago for our second institute conference learning how to develop corps members during their institute experience. Just when everyone was talking about TFA being over, I jumped into TFA institute work. In a weird way, it’s the vacation I needed. I had a really strong end with my kids, and it’s been very hard for me to internalize what it means now for that time to be over, and IC is helping me get pumped up for what’s ahead and the role I am playing this summer in developing new teachers who are going to go through the highest of highs and lowest of lows that have inspired me.

Side note: I am teaching my third year! I will be making the move back South to North Carolina to join my family, and I am so bittersweet about that move. I’m thrilled to be bringing back what I’ve learned to students in North Carolina and taking care of myself a little bit by being close to my family. The difficult part was leaving my students and the other students and staff at my school who I have grown so close to, including the Walbridge 7 and beyond. It’s hard to have to tell them that I’ve leaving them and not feel like I’m abandoning them. My heart breaks every moment I think about my students, but I have to remember that I’ve done well by them and I’ve prepared them to move on.

Back to why this conference has been so therapeutic and revitalizing for me: I will be teaching fourth grade at Maureen Joy this year, coaching corps members during institute this summer, and I’ve officially grounded myself in the work for the long-run. I have this really strong sense of commitment and capability that I didn’t start out with, and this opportunity is developing me even more in my mission and strengths.

While I’m here to professionally develop my corps members, I feel like I am getting the PD I needed to really reflect on my experience and push myself to the next step.

Okay, so maybe I need to revise my confession from before: I didn’t just drink the juice, I’m pretty much swimming in a pool of it.

I’m sitting here in my bright orange institute t-shirt (ugh, Clemsux, sorry), beaming about the Behavior Management Cycle (BMC) and Academic Intervention Time (AIT). Be ready for alphabet soup readers, you’ll be getting TONS of it.

They worked hard, they are smart, they will go far.

They reached for the stars … and they better never stop.

Two years. Over 40 students. 3 years of growth. Thousands of hours, laughs, stomps, light bulb moments, pencils, and checks. It’s over – we did it!

I hugged the last student goodbye on Thursday and closed the door to MY Room 206 for the final time on Friday, May 25. I don’t know why I even thought I might not sob like a baby.

I am leaving my kids with a strong sense of the future ahead. My students have shown me growth, understanding, love, and hope. They are curious, they are interested, they are eager. TFA Vision = check!

January 2010 came with an acceptance letter to TFA St. Louis, and I cannot believe how far I have come and changed since that email. I joined Teach For America feeling like I was going to join a mission, I was going to be challenged, I was going to see things I’ve never seen before and have my heart wrenched. While all of these things surely did happen (and they happened daily, hourly, and by the minute), they are only the smallest slice of the pie.

Here’s the thing: TFA is not a two-year journey for me. TFA has rerouted what I want and see for my life because I’ve found something much more important than myself. I am now and forever a teacher and I cannot turn my back on it. When I joined this organization, I realize those who love me signed at the “teacher” spot on my resume, wondered what I would be doing “next,” and hoped that I would seek “more” for myself. I’ve heard, “You’ve worked so hard, I just don’t want you to settle for less.”

Let me tell you now: Teaching is the most rewarding, most difficult, most purposeful higher calling that I could imagine. Let me give you my key points now as to what, why, and how I will be a lifelong advocate for education, children, and change in this country and world.

What: I will be a teacher. I will wake up each morning looking forward to the eager faces I see who deserve better than they know. I will come in with a plan that I will never see come perfectly to fruition. I will begin a to-do list every day what will never be fully completed. I will be told I don’t care, I will be told I’m not good enough, and I will be told that it doesn’t matter. I will close my ears to anything less than 100% positive and productive.

I will be ignored, I will be yelled at, I will be undervalued.

I will also walk into a school each day and hear at least five, “Good morning Ms. Davis” welcomes from children I do and do not know. I will be hugged by at least two dozen smiling faces each and every day. I will receive calls, texts, pictures, and notes that say “I love you.” I will see youthful ambition, I will see mind light bulbs turn on, I will see relentless pursuit at its highest level. I will see people who are battered, abused, abandoned, hopeless, and scared wake up each day and sit in a classroom ready to learn. I will be thanked by strangers for my commitment to our children. I will be invited to birthday parties, football games, and dinners by families of the students I love. I will equip students to find their voice, their power, and their ability to grow and succeed. I will give students the language of goals and hard work and purpose.

I will be on my feet without a seat at least eight hours each day. I will come home with pen, marker, and chalk all over my face and hands. I will have a wall covered with art work and letters. I will come home and do it all again until I go to bed and be told than I work part-time hours.

And at the end of the school year, I will see the fruits of my labor when my students leave my class knowing that they are advocates for themselves. They will hug me, thank me, and tell me that they’ve never felt smarter or happier.

I will read a letter from my third-grader who says that I am his happy thought, and that he cannot wait to graduate from college and make the world better.

How:

How will I do this? I will never look at my calling as a job. I will get to know every child as much as I possibly can. I will focus on the UNDERSTANDING that all students deserve the opportunity to attain an excellent education. I will wake up every day with the charge that I may be the only advocate for my student and that I cannot let them down. I will remember that I represent Teach For America, my school, teachers, students, and families every where and that it is my responsibility to change not only the trajectory but also the perception of those people and organizations.

I will do this through to-do lists, Diet Coke, chocolate, my family, my friends, my puppy, and plenty of chick flicks on the weekend to help me get through it. I will let people in and share my stories with strangers so that they can be advocates themselves. I will remember that to do this work, we must be positive and purposeful and on a mission at all times.

Why:

Duh. It’s hard to explain the why because for me it has become so foundational to who I am as a person, a teacher, a TFA Alumn (what-what), and an advocate. Children are innocent and deserve everything that a fulfilling life has to offer. They represent our past, they are the audience of the present, and they are our future. Every child deserves to dream, know they can reach their dreams, and feel empowered to do so. Why would I not want to be a part of a movement that is driven to help thousands of children realize their ambitions, push society to be a better place, and bring our world to a place of empathy and peace.

The why seems “duh” to me.

I realize that is a crazy Teach For America rant, but this is what my experience has done to me. It has allowed me to see that I am only a tiny part of this world, but through teaching I can make a giant impact on the lives of students and the futures they CREATE.

“You do not enter the future, you create it.”